Monday, August 24, 2009

Zombies Support Cash for Clunkers

The story begins a few nights ago when I received a panicked phone call from one of my source close to a top government official. He shouted "THEY ARE WORKING WITH THEM. IT'S THE..........." and then the line went dead. At first I figured this was just another drunk dial gone wrong. But there was something fishy about this call, I don't know if it was the tone of his voice, or the fact that he didn't seem to be drunk, but something was off.

At that time I was still unsure what to make of the whole issue. So like an idiot I wrote it off as a drunk dial and planned to contact my associate through a secure line the next day. Upon waking up the next morning I phoned my associate hoping to figure out what was going on, only no one picked up. In fact my next 15.51 calls went unanswered.

As my hope of regaining contact faded I began searching through recent news stories trying despritly to figure out what the potential warning might have been regarding. After hours of work I finally figured it out. It was so simple, I looked right past it at first, but now that I see it it's so obvious.

The cash for clunkers program has been all over the news recently, yet few people have come to realize the affect this plan will have on our ability to defend ourselves against zombies. Right now our zombie defenses are at an all time high. But this is 2009, not 2012. If this were 2012 the lost wages for millions of mechanics, the destruction of cars which the poor would otherwise use, and the fact that millions have overextended themselves would all be worth it. Unfortunately this is 2009, which means many of these new cars being bought now will be repossessed before 2012. Leaving millions without a car to escape the 2012 zombie invasion in. Whether it was mindless politicians who caused this program or politicians who's brain were eaten by zombies doesn't matter. We the people of the United States need to stop spending money on cars that may be repossessed before December 21st, 2012!

Remember zombies are slow, but can run for weeks without slowing. The only hope we have of escaping a zombie horde is to outrun them in a car, and then hide. If you can't afford more then a clunker keep that clunker and tell those in charge of our government that we will not be so easy to manipulate. Our zombie defenses will remain strong, together WE CAN DO IT!


  1. you are an idiot...

  2. yeah I agree......idiot

  3. I agree, no wait never mind I digress.

    Anyway yea this story is a bit lacking, don't worry though my next one will be better.

  4. hey, just found it and i'm loving your blog. spending too much time worrying about the zombie apocalypse and the fact i can't get my hands on guns when i should be doing cardio!!!!!!!!!


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